THOUGHTS ON BREAKING UP

Love songs has never been too striking for me as it is right now.. Perhaps, having first hand love experiences has a lot to do with it. Love songs that trouble me every time I hear them usually have lyrics along these lines :

“I did my best, but I guess wasn’t good enough”
“Please release me, let me go”

Those unfortunately makes me rekindle of a catastrophic love affair that i got into. Such lines either reflect or reinforce the idea that in order to break up with someone we need their cooperation, or even permission in some way. What troubles me about this is hearing a woman say how unhappy she is in a relationship yet, when I ask her, "Have you considered breaking up with him?" I’m most likely to get an indirect response, a rather well thought-out rationale response to simply say, "He doesn't want to talk about it." or "He won't understand."

Now I want to clear up that I don't believe in just casually disappearing out of someone's life either. A key recourse in an unhappy relationship is to discuss out the problems involved and work together to be more giving and considerate of each other. But when the very issue of communication, cooperation or consideration are lacking to begin with, trying to talk out the problem becomes a problem in itself.

But when a person has finally reached the end of their rope and things just don't show any promise of getting better due to the unwillingness of the other partner I believe it's then time to make one final, clear statement of things and, if there is still no genuine effort to make things better, simply inform the person there is no longer an exclusive status to the relationship. "It's over, I hope we can stay friends.

I say this because I've seen too many good-hearted men and women wait and stew for an agreement from their uncooperative, unloving mate that it's time to break up. I, for one, have been through such ghastly relationship finale – the very first girl that I decided give my heart to formally ended up going with another guy as her idea of breaking up with me. It took me years to get back my sanity and pull myself back to circulation. I could not have done it without the help of few true friends. Personally, unlike a beginning a relationship, ending one does not really necessitates mutual effort. Perhaps it could have been a lot better if she opted to close it formally and in good terms.

If, as time passes, it is discovered that this person we've met has the willingness to receive all the love we are willing to give, but is lackluster in their own enthusiasm to give any love back.. I believe it's perfectly proper to stop and say, "I love you, but your behavior is unacceptable for this deep a relationship." With acquaintances, friends, family it's easier to give once in a while in a much less intimate way even if they do not reciprocate. We may not like it when they don't, but the relationship is not as close as the exclusive one between one man and one woman. If stopping the show with our beloved and making our unhappiness clear to them isn't enough to stir them from losing us, it's quite possible theirs is only an endeared affection they have for us.. but not sacrificial love that seeks the pleasure of the beloved.

In love, it is our joy and responsibility to give in the way we relate to our beloved. But love is not -all- a matter of us giving. In seeking the best for our loved one we must take the initiative to let them know that they do this love an injustice by living with a selfish stance. And so it is that we must not only give love, but also accountably require it of the one that would stand so near to us and whisper, "I love you." We must do it to keep love balanced, to maintain our self-respect and for the betterment of the one we love.