few hours after...

I sometimes go back and forth with this weird shift of perspective... At times I stress about work (like when they heap crazy assignments on me, especially when it's totally not in consonance with my accepted principles and with my idea of what purports to be very urgent and important) and sometimes I long for the freedom to just fail... I used to enjoy being the young, bright thing... Now I want to be the mellow guy that just flat out sucks...

at least that's the thought I have after a few hours of wandering on a Friday night...

Professional Skepticism

Equipped with de rigueur competence and professional license, I was up and ready to face a jungle where competition is as stiff as politics.. Luckily I was able to give my career a jump start by working as a freelance consultant, but it was few months later when i decided to give formal employment a try, and so I found myself working in an immigration firm.. My entire duration of stay seems to expedite my mental and physical relapse more than any normal person would.. Internal Control wise, I never even deemly forethought, such an established office will have poor controls, even a layman can obviously pinpoint loopholes on every major aspect.. looking at it, I saw myself on board a ship with tiny holes, holes that was gradually becoming bigger leading the ship to its virtual demise.. So while I still have all the means, I opted at taking preemptive measure – Get my butt out of the ship..

Two months have passed, I came across a news about how things were going on since I left.. My immediate superior, together with the rest of the people holding the same mid-range position as I had by then, was subjected for an investigation about an alleged fraud.. The news was so stunning and at that instant, thoughts back then came into realization.. Knowing it has somehow given me even more reasons to be grateful of what I did.. Even though if right now I’m not getting more money than I can afford to spend, even if I miss the luxury of hanging on the net at company expense.. even if I miss the thought of going to work under a workplace so conducive and luxurious that anybody would die just to be working in that place.. most of all, even if I just lost 1,000 pesos of my last money, and knowing that it wouldn’t have been different if I was still working by then.. but those are nothing compared to what I could have lost.. at this point of time, I have so much to lose in as much as I have so much to gain as well.. I’m not giving any room on the former.

.. untitled..

for somebody i know..

The yelling, the screaming, it never did cease..
She was in a realm of pure rivalry, with no chance of peace..
Her childhood involved neglect, her adolescence entailed contention..
With all this in mind, it was no wonder she turned to self-mutilation..
In a turn for the worse, she chose to turn to the blade..
And lose herself in cuts as her rationality continued to fade..
In an attempt to release inner frustration,
She would cut herself and relinquish all bottled-up tension..
Again and again, she would sigh sweet release,
As that razor glided over her wrist with the slightest of ease..
Little did she know, this was only the beginning..
Never did she expect to be so far from winning.