somewhere in the middle..

Last week, I was surmounted with bouts of deep disappointment and anxiety. I could feel my heart pounding intensely inside my chest and even though I tried to ignore it and divert my attention to something rather good, nothing could stop it. All attempts purports to be futile, except talking about anything with my best friend on the phone, just so long as I was talking or listening, it kind of distracted me from my internal malfunctioning.

Spontaneously, i hopped into my car, said goodbye to my dad, brothers and sisters (dogs) and told them to be good and watch over the house, loaded pack foods and all into my car, waved goodbye, tears began to fall when i got to think of how hard I have been treating this person whose keeping me sane for the last two years. Afraid that neighbors and even my dad could see me cry, i sped off. As I was driving all the way north bound, somehow, all my abysmal feelings left. As if the only thing I were dreading was goodbye. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to stay home, but I don't want to be away too. Perhaps my happiness spot is on the freeway. I know what I’m supposed to be doing when I’m driving. I’m suppose to get from point a to point b. but even at that moment, I have no idea at all of where I was heading, there's none of the confusion of where am I going with my life? It’s just driving. Everything makes sense..